My Boyhood Spankings

by Matt

I found this essay very interesting and it brought back a number of memories from my childhood. But first a bit about myself. I'm a 29 year old man recently married to the women of my dreams and we enjoy a wonderful Loving Domestic Discipline (LDD) relationship. LDD is so much a part of our lives that I can't imagine what our marriage would be like with out it. But what made it all possible was my upbringing. My sister (one year younger than me) and I where razed by a single mother. Our father was completely out of the picture. From the ages of 8 until 14—except for time away at summer camp—I was spanked every month. The spankings were not administered by our mother but by her boyfriend. Both my sister and I loved Nate even though it was he who spanked us. As we saw it the spankings came form our mom and not him. Nate was only doing what mom asked him to. At least that's how we saw it.

Spankings in our house were never done in anger, and they were never punishment spanking. They were maintenance spankings and always at the same time and date. In fact I don't think we ever used the word “spanking”, not once. We called it “having maintenance” or “scheduled discipline”. I had my maintenance at 9 PM on the first Friday of the month and so I never had to ask when the next session would be and I didn't need to be reminded either. How could I forget something like that? I know this may sound odd, but in a strange sort of way it worked well and it I came to except maintenance as a very natural sort of thing. I knew when I was safe, and when I was due for discipline. Did I enjoy my maintenance? Of course not, what boy would? I hated it! But strange as it might sound it did provide me with a sense of security, and after maintenance I felt a wonderful sort of calm as if I had been purged of my fears and anxieties. I also felt proud to have been strong enough to take it. It's difficult—or impossible—to put into words, but maintenance made me feel loved. I realized that I was not disciplined out of cruelty, but out of concern for my well being. I imagined that had my mom not been with Nate she would have found another man to discipline me or even called a commercial service. I would not have been surprised if I had been told that such companies existed, sort of like the people who come to your house in a van to wash your dog.

For a few days before my maintenance mom would be extra nice to me because she realized that I would soon be in for a difficult time. If I was moody or nerviness or had difficulty consternating, as I often was the day before, she would understand and cut me some slack. When the time came I would visit the bathroom and then go to my room and slowly strip. Everything had to come off. I would then sit down in a chair next to my bed and wait for Nate to enter. That was always the worst part, the anticipation and wondering how bad it would be. I felt very naked and in my mind I would run through the last month wondering if I had done anything that might merit “extra attention”. Nate would enter my room without knocking and that always seemed like a violation of my space since it was my room. But I understood he needed to set the mood. He would then take a chair and sit facing me and we would spend some time talking. We'd talk about anything really, school, grades, sports, friends, how I treated my mom, you name it. It was embarrassing to be seated naked like that but I realized it was necessary as it humbled me make me submissive for what was to follow. Sometimes the conversations were very friendly and I would almost forget that I was naked and why I was there. But I also knew that during those conversations if Nate asked me a direct question I would have to answer truthfully. If I was evasive, or dishonest, it would not go well for me. My bottom would get extra attention.

When the conversation was done Nate would ask me if I had remembered to go to the bathroom. We both knew that if I had not I might wet or soil myself during maintenance. I had done so before. I'd answer “yes” and with out being asked I'd position myself across his lap. I knew better than to protest. No matter how often it was done I always had butterflies in my tummy. I was always afraid, but I think a part of me enjoyed the fear sort of like I enjoyed scary movies. Being given maintenance was very humiliating but it was also sort of exciting, like stepping into a really scary roller-coaster.

Most often Nate used his open palm on my naked butt. But sometimes he used the paddle. The paddle was wooden and about 4 inches wide so as not to leave lasting marks on me, but it really stung. It had the words, “To Be Used on Naughty Children” carved into it. The Paddle was kept hanging from a hook in plain view on the wall by my bed. I was never allowed to touch it. If I had friends over mom would remove it and hide it under my bed so they would not see it. But as soon as my friends were gone the paddle would be returned to its place on the hook. Growing up with the paddle on my wall and seeing it everyday I never forgot that there were rules to follow. Every time I looked at it I felt a little chill. I always hoped I'd get the hand and not it.

But regardless of whether I was disciplined with Nate's hand or the paddle it really hurt and I'd soon be sobbing like a little baby. Nate would spank me to tears and beyond. I'm sure my mom and little sister could hear. After being broken Nate would comfort me the way a parent night comfort a frightened baby. He would rub my back as I laid on my bed, kiss my forehead and tell me what a good boy I was for taking my maintenance so well. He would tell me that all was forgiven and everything settled. Soon I'd start to feel a little better and my mom would be called in to take over and give me aftercare. The next day would be like a mini vacation. My mom would make me my favorite breakfast and we'd spend the day anyway I liked. The only times I didn't have regular maintenance was when I was away at summer camp. I think I actually missed it.

Once, when I was 12 I returned home form school early and I discovered that Nate giving maintenance to my mom. Not only that, he was using my paddle on her! At first this really upset me. She was, after all, my mom. Who was Nate to discipline her? What right did he have to do that to her? And what was wrong with my mom? She was an adult. Why did she need to be treated like a child?

Later, after I had calmed down a bit, Mom explained that, from time to time, she needed discipline as well. She said it helped her to be a better mother to my sister and me. She said there were other women who needed maintenance and that my father spanked her before she even knew Nate. I didn't completely understand it then but I think I do now. I came to except it. After I came except that my mother was being disciplined it drew us closer. I realized it was not because she was bad or anything like that. After all I wasn't being given maintenance for being bad. I was simply disciplined to help me maintain the proper attitude. The same thing for mom and I didn't think any less of her for it.

Thank goodness that except of that one occasion I never saw my mom disciplined again, that would have been more than I could handle. But sometimes I did let her watch as Nate gave me my maintenance. In a way I liked having her there.

My maintenance ended soon after I turned 14, Nate felt I was too old for it. At first I was sort of lost and I do believe I missed it. I went through a rebellious stage. I'm sure I would have benefited from a few more years of discipline. But in time I settled down and in my late teens I out grew the need to be spanked.

Now I'm a adult. My wife is a very accomplished and strong willed professional woman. It came as no surprise that at first she resisted LDD. I was able to empathize. I could understand her fear because I remembered the fear I felt during discipline. I know what it's like to be taken over the knee of a man and brought to tears. It took the better part of a year until she was able to submit to discipline with a satisfactory attitude, but now that she has she loves it. And it doesn't bother me at all that I had to work so hard to tame her. Who wants a weak woman?

My wife says she never imagined how wonderful it could be to surrender herself to a man and she asked how I knew what she needed even before she knew herself. I told her about my maintenance form Nate. She had many questions about. She asks if I felt victimized. Nate was older and much stronger than I. The truth is I don't feel victimized at all. Just the opposite. I feel that Nate was showing me how to be a good Head of Household (HOH). The same paddle that Nate used on me when I was a boy I now use on my wife. The paddle I once feared I now control and it inspires fear in my wife. I understand it's power and know not to abuse it.

I don't think any man can be a truly effective HOH unless he was razed with the same sort of maintenance I had as a boy. If you haven't been taken over the knee of a much stronger man and had him bring you to tears how can you know what it is to do that to a woman? If you have never been humiliated and broken yourself how can you know what it means to humiliate and break the woman you love? If you have never felt the wonderful sense of love and relief that comes from aftercare how can you give aftercare to your woman? Had it not been for Nate I don't think I ever could have brought my woman under my control and given her the discipline she needs.